So pissed.
Why is it everything seems to be my fault ?
Its my fault my gf broke up with me to be with another guy.
Its my fault that I don't have a future cause I did not study hard enough.
Its my fault that I'm always broke cause I never bother to save.
These I understand.
Why is it my fault, that I don't understand my good friend Tong Chuan ?
I want to tell him this, that everytime he laments about his army life, he has no right to lament and still argue that he did not do wrong, because its really his fault ? I argued with him over his army life just now, and I kept trying to make him understand that it's his fault. I feel that its his fault that some people don't like him and make his boss don't like him because he really has a problem. Army life in the office is just like work life. It doesn't mean that if you don't care about others, and just do your own job, you will be respected and rewarded. No, its not. Because everything in the work force is about relationship with people. You don't want to smile sincerely when others smile, you don't greet your army superiors except for your own boss, you don't make the effort to mingle around with others, of course people think of you in a low light. But did you ever feel its your fault ? I really hate it when he blames god, because everything is created by him. He could have been a sgt, but he chose the darker path. He could have been in another camp as a clerk, but he chose to make sure he goes back to MMI. For what ? Why can't he just live his life simple and just accept what comes his way ? Why must he always do stupid things and then regret later ? Why ?
Its your own fucking fault that you gave others the bad impression. Don't ask me why or how I know, because if even your own boss, who always defended you all this while, feels ure fucked up, its not because others have toked behind your back, its because you haven't done enough to convince your boss that you're not fuked up. Don't complain why you have to travel so much and always late for work, because you chose this path to work in the MMI. And army is not your fuking father's camp. Why in the fuking hell do you think that army should have given what you wanted that time when you did not want to be a sgt and wanted to stay out ? Who the fuck do you tink you are ?
Don't fuking complain that others dont understand abt u, cause its nt others dun understand, its u who dun understand whats happening. Stop all this shit about complaining about sai kang. You should be spending the time making sure nothing goes wrong so as to try to make your boss feel that you're not what he thinks. Maybe this time it wont work. But can u confirm that, after a few tasks has been given to you, and u do all without problems or complaining, are u so sure that other's impression of you won't change ?
Everything that comes to your way is a challenge, and yet instead of rising up to the challenge, you always choose to find or fight for a easier way out. What for ? Whats the fuking point ? Everyone got to go through similar paths. Not all sai kang or life may be the same, but why do you always ask that you have better treatment, and that the things you do are always worse den others ? Everyone feels that their own work is worse. You havent tried digging those big drains and still get punished after that just because you rest. In SISPEC your peers and superiors arent happy. In Nee Soon and Kranji Camp you were not happy. Even in MMI, got people unhappy with you. Don't you feel that there really must be somehting wrong with you? Everything starts small. You must have done something stupid or something that you feel isn't that big, but on the long run actually creates a big wave, eg. the smiling to other people thing. If you are always sian, and tell yourself that because you're sian, you should not even smile properly, this means you have a problem with managing your own emotions. You're sian means you should show it to others ? Why can't you manage emotions better ? Work is never happening, and yet you keep reminding yourself that it is. Doesnt that make things worse ?
HAiz.
I'm not the kind to put the blame on others. Because even now, I feel that I have some responsibility that you're like that. I'm in the wrong because I never understand you. But actually, its not because I don;t understand you. I truly know why you will feel this way, but I must change you so that in the future your life won't be like tat. And yet, you never bother changing, never thinking that you're in the wrong, and always thinking others don't understand you. You keep saying you're that kind that think before you act. Did you really think about every single situation when you chose to chao geng to escape SISPEC and Kranji Camp ? No. You only thought about the advantages, and only thought about why others could enjoy but you couldnt ?
Life in Seletar isnt as slack as you tink, but I always voice out my opinions so that others understand me. You ? You choose to keep quiet and endure, and always show that face of yours when you feel unhappy. Why can't you understand that things don't work the way you want it to be ?
Sick of scolding you already.
Just to let you know. I'm feeling guilty that I don't understand you. But I hope you realise your own mistake before its too late.
